HOW (NOT) BE LIKE A WINE SNOB

by Dario De Caro

and Mila Inbal

Wine is something to appreciate; a source of joy, especially when shared. 
As expected, be it in a wine bar, or at dinner, there’s always going to be that one guy.  Even if you just post a picture of the bottle or of your glass of wine on Instagram (remember to use the hashtag #intotherosé)  he’ll come storming through. Don’t even dare ask him a question or request tips. He’s always there, ready to wax poetic.

“Now you’re creeping me out, who’s this person supposedly spying on me?  

The Wine Snob. 

“What kind of person is a wine snob?”  

Surely, you’ve met one or two in your life, but maybe you managed not to notice because you had the instinct to ignore him. Or maybe it’s because it’s you (though I can assure you, it’s probably not). After a few years of experience going around wineries, the Wine Snob will expertly be able to discuss all the most boring facets of wine using vocabulary that barely even aligns with the subject matter. You’ll recognize him when he starts describing every wine as “very particular”. 

“How else can I identify him? Here’s your Wine Snob starter kit!  

First of all, a Wine Snob never knows he’s a Wine Snob. Just a warning, that he’ll probably even say something like “oh I’m definitely not a Wine Snob”. The sneakiest disguise he has is at something like a get-together of three-ish people, like a minor holiday. Everyone brings something, but not him! His wine is too precious to be consumed so casually. He will, however, probably show up with some Ikea wine glasses. 

The guy who brings the wine is maybe your friend Mario, who knows nothing about it but its alcohol content. Here is where the Wine Snob reveals his true identity. In front of a red wine from a bulk package, on his feet, glass in hand, he’ll start to talk about every aroma the wine doesn’t have, just to make it clear that he knows stuff. And if, perhaps, that wine is a table wine , he won’t be able to stop himself from concluding:

“Anyway, don’t believe the hype! This wine has its dignity, even in a blind taste test it’s way better than other wines I’ve had”. 

In the meantime, your grill has gone completely cold, and you realize you’ve lost ten minutes of your cooking time that you’ll never get back at this dinner party. 

It’s obvious that the wine snob just has a sad life, so don’t be too mean to him. You could stash a few bottled reactions for whenever you need them: 

1. Be patient, always responding with “interesting, yeah wow that’s crazy” while he’s self-praising. 

2. Provoke him, but remember: you don’t owe him anything. Interrupt with “oh wow” every ten seconds. Or even ask him “well are you a smoker?” After every olfactory analysis he offers. Ask him what he thinks about wine from Greenland, saying that you had some a few years back and you loved how fresh it was. If he starts mentioning wines from ‘85, respond that you never drink such young wine. It’ll all be in good fun.

If, perhaps, you yourself are the Wine Snob (alas) there’s always a chance to improve! Try following a few standard rules:

1. Read the room– not everyone cares about life, death, and the miracle that is wine. Especially bulk wine. And you’re still not Master of Wine. Even if you are, read the room again, because you’re still standing in front of a grill.

2. Wine is sharing– don’t act like it’s a disaster for someone to not know the difference between a rosé made via bloodletting or one made with brief maceration (and are you even sure you know the difference anyway?) 

3. Particular and very particular are not descriptive wine traits. Just like making up adjectives that don’t exist or pretending to know the names of flowers that don’t even smell floral.  

 

Our favorite Wine Snobs of all (eh) are the ones who get into online forums and Facebook groups. Some of the descriptions honestly make you wonder if someone smoked a whole lot before tasting a wine (and no, we’re not referring to cigarettes).  

I hope this article helps to portray what we’re going for here at Into The Rosé – we care about wine, particularly rosé, which just so happens to be the wine that Wine Snobs love to mistreat the most.

We want to highlight the differences between a “wine enthusiast” and a “wine snob.”
The wine enthusiast  is obviously a person who likes wine. He likes to taste it, to study it, to know it, to experience it.

The wine snob is the one who uses his knowledge to make you feel stupid.

The wine world is vast, tough, and complicated, and it’s always in flux. Wine is for sharing! Let’s stop trying to be so critical about it for poetic effect. Especially bulk wine.  

© Credit Picture to Quinn Dombrowski

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